Fingers in throat

Sycophancy is not unusual in the Commons, but tributes now being paid to Michael Martin are enough to make me sick.

This is the House that chose, just a few weeks ago, to drive hundreds of knives into the man's back.

Most MPs that didn’t directly attack him were happy to sit quiet while others did the dirty work.

Now they are standing one by one to lick the proverbial – Martin is apparently “warm”, “kind” and “courteous”. You’ll be surprised to hear it wasn’t either Kate Hoey or Pat Hewitt who said those things.

Nicholas Winterton, who was found to have broken rules by claiming for a flat his family owned, said he was "completely satisfied" with the Speaker’s performance.

An endorsement like that is worse than anything any opponent could have said.

Ferrets in a sack

There was something rotten about the scenes that followed the Speaker’s speech in the House earlier.

There’s always been an unsavoury feeling in the Commons when expenses have been discussed, but this was different.

Martin had just finished saying he was “profoundly sorry” for the expenses fiasco when MPs started standing up and angrily calling for him to go.

If you haven’t seen it, go and check it out on Parliament TV.

This blog has been calling for the the Speaker’s head since last year.

But today felt too much like that scene at the end of The Apprentice when candidates have to argue their case to avoid the chop.

Two of the candidates realise the other is in trouble and, in a bid to save their own skin, gang-up on the other to make him look bad.

Martin doesn’t need a whole lot of help at that, but let’s not forget they all had an expense account.

Brown: I'll support whoever....

All questions at Lobby briefing this morning related to Michael Martin’s standing.

When asked if the PM still thought Martin was doing a good job spokesman Michael Ellam gave this laboured response.

"The speaker is not appointed by the Prime Minister.

"It’s right that it is independent of Government and it’s right that the Prime Minister should support the individual selected to be speaker by the House of Commons."

Michael Martin challenged in House

David Winnick MP just told Michael Martin to apologise to Kate Hoey for his attack on her yesterday.

Martin responded that it was yesterday's business and he should have brought it up then – to which Labour MP Winnick shouted back that it wasn't good enough.

Martin said if that was the case then the MP knew what he had to do.

In other words put down a motion in the house challenging the Speaker. Bonus points for anyone who can say the last time that happened.

Blustering Martin outdoes himself

It was hard to see Speaker Martin’s full face from my spot, but I suspect little bubbles of foam were forming at the corner of his mouth.

Certainly the bald patch on his crown was a hearty rouge as he blew up in the Commons while talking about leaked MPs' expenses.

It started with a familiar sight – Martin hunching over a bit of paper, reading out cautious words in a voice flimsier than a slice of cucumber.

He justified why he’d now passed the matter to the police – saying the leaking of expenses documents to the Telegraph might’ve been a crime. For details go here.

But it was the moment the words on the paper ran out, and he had to rely on his own, that the fun began.

Kate Hoey started to suggest (Martin cut her off) that bringing police in was a waste of time and money.

Martin: “I listen to the Honourable Lady often when I turn on the television at midnight and I hear her public utterances and her pearls of wisdom on Sky News and it’s easy to talk then.”

He added: “I say to the Honourable Lady it’s easy to say to the press ‘this should not happen’. It’s a wee bit more difficult when you just don’t have to give – how do you say – quotes…”

He ranted about how police had to be called in because to do anything otherwise was to suggest the person who’d leaked the documents could stay in position.

Martin also warned hacks, who’d already acted to blank out sensitive details before printing stories, that they shouldn’t put MPs at risk by publishing their addresses and bank data.

So in one finger-jabbing tirade he surpassed even his own uncanny ability for misjudging the mood of the nation, gave hacks a new angle and cemented public anger at MPs who still think they’re the victims of all this. Not bad.

Martin should go

It seems Speaker Michael Martin is still held in regard by some people.

A story in the Mail yesterday revealed Tory MP Douglas Carswell had told a reporter from House Magazine in an interview that Martin should resign - but the comments were never published.

Could it be that editors worried about the House Magazine’s wide distribution on the parliamentary estate?

Martin controls what is and isn’t distributed here and has little time for troublesome hacks.

If that is the case the Magazine should’ve just gone for it. The Speaker is a lame duck and the more people prepared to point that out the better.

A prize politician

Notts MP Geoff Hoon has finished off the year with a crowning achievement - having an award named after him.

As the news stream slows to a dribble, sites across blogosphere are desperately running fill-in bits to keep their readers hitting.

The most common format is the "award list" - though Guido has decided to parody it with his 'worst of' style awards.

The "Hoon Prix d'sh*t" has so far attracted nominations for Peter Mandelson, Michael Martin and Hoon himself.

Brown's hero

I think even Alan Simpson (Nottingham South) was shocked that he came to the Prime Minister's rescue in such gallivanting fashion during today's PMQs.

Moments before, the PM had made a humiliating blooper that left his lower lip wobbling like bit of liver.

Brown had meant to say he had saved the banks, but instead – in a monumental Freudian slip – said: "We not only saved the world."

Before he could finish the next sentence the house had exploded and Brown turned to red – the cacophony ringing through the Palace of Westminster.

He was on the back-foot, but Cameron took his time landing the killer blow that could have finished the PM for the day.

Then Simpson was called by Michael Martin: "Actually Mr Speaker it's quite nice to have a Prime Minister who would save the world when we're faced with an opposition who can barely save face."

It was a pithy comeback that gave Labour MPs something to cheer and even seemed to boost Brown.

The significance of the whole affair was pushed aside when an even more monumental blooper was made by Nick Clegg (Hallam) minutes later.

The Lib Dem leader wanted to tell a story about a constituent, but foolishly started by saying that a single mum had come to see him with a young child.

Given his reputation - he once told a magazine he had slept with around 30 women - it's no wonder the house fell about laughing for a full minute.

The lame-duck Speaker didn't even try and control the rabble - Dennis Skinner (Bolsover) sat opposite ‘Clegg-over’ using his fingers to flash up number 31.

Suppressed anger

A Notts MP told Lobbydog today that anger amongst Labour members over Michael Martin's performance is much greater than has been reported.

A story on the BBC suggested thirty-two MPs no longer had confidence in the Commons Speaker and 50 said he was at fault over the arrest of Damian Green.

While the MPs won’t be willing to let the Tories take Martin's scalp, there will be mounting pressure on him to step down behind the scenes.

Lobbydog has already made its view known - considering the Speaker has been in post for the customary eight years, it's time to let someone else have the chair.

I know nothing...

Was it me or were Speaker Martin’s hands shaking while he tried to fob blame off for the Damian Green cock-up on to the police?

Martin said he had never authorised the police search of shadow immigration minister Green’s office – to gasps and howls in the House.

Apparently the Serjeant at Arms had signed a consent form without ever having asked if there was a search warrant – which it turns out there wasn’t.

Martin said the police did not explain, as they are required to do, that the Serjeant was not obliged to consent to the search or that a warrant could have been insisted upon.

Maybe the police were in the wrong, but surely the Serjeant at Arms should have known the rules too.

Anyone who has ever seen The Bill knows when the police come to search your place the first question you ask is: “You got a warrant?”

And if Martin didn’t know about the search then he should have done. It’s no good saying his underlings didn’t tell him, that just shows there is a huge communication problem among the Commons authorities.

Either way Lobbydog says the buck stops with him.

The only thing more despicable was watching Gordon Brown dodge questions on what he thought about the whole affair – answering every one with an “I don’t want to pre-judge an inquiry” response.

Watch the whole thing here.