PMQs - 'Weak, left wing and irresponsible' becomes new catchphrase

It’s not often I see Ed Miliband smile in the House of Commons. I mean a proper smile – open mouthed with teeth showing in absolute delight.

But David Cameron’s comment that he came into politics to improve people’s welfare was enough to force one on to his face, and on to that of his dramatics chum’s face Ed Balls.

It appears to me that Leader Ed has been taking some lessons of the other Ed on how to act while not speaking at PMQs. Widow twanky would have proud of Balls’ gurn when a question was asked by Jacob Rees-Mogg MP – a man who was written by PG Woodhouse rather than born. Indeed watching the Eds contort their faces as the Prime Minister spoke today was much more entertaining than listening to the PM try and bat away questions.

That might also be because PMQs was a bit banal after the hype of the Autumn Statement yesterday. Even the strikes, which formed the first part of the debate between the two leaders, didn’t really ignite – perhaps Cameron wanted it that way given that he branded the action a “damp squib”.

Ed knew that if he were not to exacerbate the difficulty of his position on the strikes, he would have to highlight them and align himself with anti-coalition feeling, if not fully back or oppose the action – something Cameron constantly poked him on, provoking the response from Ed that he would not “demonise dinner ladies”.

Cameron came back with the usual line about Labour being in the pocket of the unions (better than taking millions from Lord Ashcroft retorted Ed), but twice used the phrase “weak, left wing and irresponsible” – suggesting this might be the new buzz phrase the Tories use when attacking Labour over industrial action in coming months.

After that Ed floated on to tax credits and borrowing covering a lot of ground but not quite hitting any one of them meaningfully, a recurring theme in his PMQs attacks for me – until he gets that sorted I’m not sure he should be smiling quite as much as he was.

PMQs vid

Great vid from the Telegraph site. Miliband should take note of how Blair skewers Major for having difficulties with his backbenchers. Also interesting to see Cameron having a go at Blair for asking questions when he should be answering them - one of his own favourite tactics now he's on the Government benches.

"Massive Deficit" at 16/1

Bookie Paddy Power has launched a new weekly Prime Minister's Questions betting market called the PMQs Punt which allows people to bet on the first phrase/cliché to be uttered by the PM during his Wednesday grilling.

This week “David Miliband”, “plotting against your brother” and “soap opera” are all in the running to be the first retort from the PM at 12/1, with “brotherly love” at 8/1 and “bitter feud” at 6s.

Of the agenda-led phrases “National Health Service reform” is favourite at 4/1 with “vaccine” and “IMF” both at 6/1. Meanwhile “Big Society” is 8/1 to be the first phrase heard from the list.

The full list follows – I reckon “Massive Deficit” at 16/1 isn’t a bad shout.


4/1 NHS reform/National Health Service reform
6/1 Bitter feud
6/1 Vaccine/vaccines
6/1 IMF/International Monetary Fund
8/1 Brotherly Love
8/1 Boardroom pay
8/1 Big Society
9/1 Libya
10/1 Benefits cap
10/1 U-turn
12/1 David Miliband
12/1 Plotting against your brother
12/1 Soap opera
16/1 Massive deficit
20/1 Labour's mess
25/1 I love the NHS/I love the National Health Service
25/1 Superinjunction
25/1 We're in this together
25/1 Victims of crime
66/1 Hug a hoodie

Ed's comeback...

After last week’s PMQs debacle Ed Miliband showed grit to put in a good performance this week.

He even felt confident enough to turn one of Cameron’s taunts from last week – “not waving, but drowning” – back on the PM, though it wasn’t even his best line.

PMQs is normally not about scrutiny, which can’t be done properly when hundreds of people are screaming in your face. It’s more about embarrassing your opponent and lifting your troops.

On the second count Miliband got top marks, Labour MPs were buoyant. Even some of the front benchers who in the past haven’t played along with Miliband’s lines of attack by shouting at the right times, were letting themselves be led.

On the first count he did well too, but in part because the tuition fees policy, which he correctly pointed out was “in chaos”, offers an easy opportunity to divide the Coalition.

To make today’s performance develop into a run, he will eventually need to show he can carry out a solid assault on Coalition economic policy.

Miliband misses another chance...

In the press gallery there was a feeling of slight embarrassment for Ed Miliband after his PMQs performance today – similar to when you watch a goalie throw the ball into his own net by mistake.

It was generally agreed, even by the likes of The Mirror’s Kevin Maguire it seems, that he had been out manoeuvred and defeated by a sharper Cameron.

A more rightish colleague suggested the performance would precipitate a full on leadership crisis.

I wasn't so sure at first and was prepared to think that while he may have flopped, at least he was attempting to reshape the debate on who is to blame for the recession and slow recovery.

That itself seemed to be more than we have seen from the Labour leader so far.

But having spoken to one or two Labour MPs, there seems to be an acute sense of disappointment – this, they said, was an important chance to hit the Coalition on the economy and it was badly missed.

I still think it’s too early to think of a full on leadership crisis, Labour MPs tend to be more forgiving of their leaders than Tories, but Miliband will only be given so much time.

Passive aggressive Miliband

IT was mentioned at PMQs that Claire Rayner had said before she died that she’d haunt David Cameron if he messed up the NHS, leading a Labour MP to make elongated ghostie noises in the Chamber.

Once it was amusing. After that it became embarrassing, like the boy at the back of the class who won’t stop making fart noises by squeezing his hand into his armpit.

Putting silliness aside it was the most interesting Prime Minister’s Questions I’ve been to for a long time.

In large part that was because of Ed Miliband’s style. His delivery was calm and clear, and so contrasted the howling benches of Labour MPs sitting behind him.

Yet in its incision and tone, which was almost patronising towards Cameron, it carried all of his party’s hostility. His passive aggressive approach turned out to be a handy antidote against the PM’s preferred barefaced hostility.

So today the Leader of the Opposition came out on top, but Labour MPs shouldn’t get carried away. What their party has lacked for so long is someone who can score in an open goal at PMQs. That’s what Miliband did today with his attack over child benefits.

The policy has been dissected for days already – its weakest points put on show for all to see. All Miliband had to do was highlight them again in a witty way.

The real test will come in how he opposes the spending review. In the mean time Cameron will want to adjust his sights as he works out how to handle this new kind of enemy.

Miliband requires a far defter touch than anything the PM has faced in years – the battle between them will be deeply interesting to watch.

A particularly good PMQs today...

Finally, a fight to watch

Something must have happened at Number 10 this week.

It was as though somebody opened a door in the side of Gordon Brown’s head, climbed in, found the light switch and turned it on.

He dumped his ‘morals’ about not making personal attacks, and launched a withering assault on Cameron the man.

The day started off looking like every other PMQs for months – “your policies have left us in recession, when everyone else is out” Vs “you have no policies; this is what we’ve done that you opposed”.

But then Brown came out with something that took everyone, and Cameron, by surprise.

“The voice maybe that of a modern public relations man, the mindset is that of the 1930s,” said the PM.

It was not a killer blow and it smelt like Brown had only just remembered the pre-prepared line and slipped it in, but it didn’t matter.

An attack on Cameron the slick salesman has been cried out for from the Labour benches. Here it was, and the House came to life.

Cameron defended dismissively, “I think that one must have sounded great in the bunker.”

He then hit back launching a counter attack on Ed Balls that raised the stakes – “you would have thought he would spend more time in his ultra marginal constituency. Perhaps he agrees with us, that the more he meets people the more likely we are to win it.”

Cameron then got back to the old lines. If the PM had responded alike DC might have taken the day.

But the Labour leader, and it feels like a long time since he’s really been that at PMQs, kept his guns firmly on Cameron.

“The more he talks, the less he actually says.”

By this time there was a flood of background noise swirling around the Commons floor, as the pair began to spar over inheritance tax.

Cameron accused Brown of raising the threshold, Brown had the final word.

His attack was essentially an old one – Tories want tax breaks for the few, Labour wants public services for the many. But with the House in the mood it was it scored the point.

“With him and Mr Goldsmith, their inheritance tax policy seems to have been dreamed up on the playing fields of Eton,” he said.

I can’t help but feel that Cameron expected today to be like every other PMQs recently and was caught with his pants down. He has some serious thinking to do if he wants to keep on top of things.

Meanwhile Brown has to prove that this was not a momentary spark and that he can keep the pressure up in this way.

Given that many of the PM’s attacks came from the same ideological ground he’s always fought on, he proved today that often on the Commons floor it’s not so much what you say, but how you say it, that counts.

PMQs vid

Hat tip Mindtrackresearch

Tessa Jowell's face is a picture

Immediately after PMQs 25 to 30 hacks surrounded Michael Ellam, Brown’s spokesman, and harangued him over what – in the name of jumping jehosifa – a 0% rise is.

The likes of the Spectator’s Fraser Nelson, the FT’s George Parker and the Sun’s George Pasco Watson – who were leading the interrogation – looked astonished as Ellam attempted to explain that a 0% rise was indeed a rise.

The weird claim, along with Brown’s equally bizarre statement that Tory policy was to increase unemployment, made this a particularly desperate performance for the PM.

Hat tip to Crown Blog, speedy as ever.

Wobbly hand at PMQs

Brown’s voice started to wobble at the end of the bout between the leaders at PMQs – but it was nothing compared to his hand which shook like a pink blamange.

The PM must’ve been stung from the last time his wobbling hand gave away his anger at PMQs, because this time he tried to hide it under his other arm.

From where I was sitting it was on show, but it was mutual loathing – and I don’t use that word lightly – that you could feel between the two leaders today.

It was an extended tussle that set out the battle lines of the debate that both leaders know is now crucial to their fortunes.

Cameron says Brown will cut spending and is lying if the PM says anything else. Brown says Cameron is going to cut services while Labour will keep the cash flowing.

The Tory Leader normally listens, smiling sarcastically, while Brown speaks – today he shouted repeatedly “answer the question” in frustration.

He even got reprimanded by the Speaker for addressing the Prime Minister as “you” – a big no-no in the Commons.

Darling can't just say "this is all b*ll*cks!"

“Alistair is afraid everything might be getting pinned on him and he is looking to separate himself from what’s happening.”

That’s what a Labour MP said to Lobbydog earlier, while chatting about Darling’s comments on politicians showing humility.

“If you are a Chancellor you can’t just say ‘this is all bollocks’,” he added.

“But you can stand back, try and separate yourself from what is being done and say ‘look this isn’t all me’.”

Interesting in the light of PMQs today – Darling seemed to enjoy watching Harman deal with accusations she was manoeuvring for the Labour leadership.

Harman V Hague

David Miliband had been possessed by Kenneth Williams and looked like he might at any moment shout “ooooohhhhhh maayyytron!”

The Foreign Secretary’s lips were circled into a tight “O” and his eyebrows were raised so high, it was as though they were trying to re-unite themselves with his carpet-like hairdo.

The bizarre expression was a response to Harriet Harman’s smug disclosure that William Hague, whom she was facing at today’s PMQs, had received £30,000 from RBS for speaking at two dinners.

It was Harman’s bright point in what was one of the liveliest clashes I’ve seen for sometime.

The glorious highlight, however, was watching the expression of various Labour plotters as Hague poked fun at Harman’s leadership ambitions.

Harman kept steely faced, Johnson let a faint smile play around on his lips, Hain grinned and Miliband went through more facial contortions than a woman in labour – that’s giving birth, not the party.

“Why doesn’t she now step in?” asked Hague mockingly.

“When Chamberlain lost his party’s confidence Churchill stepped forward. When Eden crossed the Atlantic exhausted, well, SuperMac came forward. This could be her moment.”

After droning for a while about some schemes Harman later responded... “Whilst he focuses on political gossip we focus on fighting for Britain’s future.”

Hague: “Mr Speaker, she shouldn’t describe her leadership campaign as political gossip. That is not how to go about winning the leadership of her party.”

Tory MPs were already in hysterics, but at this point the Labour benches erupted pointing at Hague and shouting “you know!” – referring to rumours that he himself wants to come back as Tory leader.

Hague responded: “I do know about that. I’m only a deputy now, but at least I’m a loyal one.”

Cameron flops

At PMQs earlier I'm pretty sure there was a line of dribble escaping Lindsey Hoyle's mouth and forming a dark patch on his suit lapel.

No doubt he would say it's because he was up all night negotiating over strikes or something.

But I wouldn't blame him if he just lost interest in the show.

Rather than jumping in feet first and slapping the PM for drumming up xenophobic sentiment with the "British jobs" comment, Cameron dilly-dallied for a full six minutes.

He must've reckoned: "I'll use two questions on international affairs to push Brown into a corner and on the third I'll hit him with the 'British jobs' line."

Instead it meant for most of the time no-one could quite work out what he was getting at.

It was like watching a David Cronenberg film where they don't let you know what the point of the story is, so none of the scenes make sense.

When he finally got round to saying the PM should apologise for his comments it hardly seemed worth it anymore.

At one point I drifted so far I began looking down and examining the scalps of the Tory front bench over which I sit - Theresa May needs to do her roots.

Anyway, some light relief eventually came when Dennis MacShane was told off by the Speaker for getting too rowdy – but it was too little too late.

Fighting over Ken

It was a matter of when, not if, Ken Clarke would become the subject of squabbling banter between the front benches.

Sure enough at the first opportunity Gordon Brown waded in with a stinging attack that must’ve left George Osborne’s stomach turning.

Cameron now had the benefit of a “shadow shadow chancellor”, he said pointing with slathering glee at the Rushcliffe MP.

“F*****g hell,” a hack next to me exclaimed.

Clarke had earlier been cheered when he walked in the house, but now they turned to jeers from the Labour benches.

There is no coming back from a jibe that rings true – that Clarke’s presence is a snub to Osborne – but Cameron did what he could.

I have to tell him the difference between this former chancellor and that former chancellor,” he said air-fingering.

“This one left a golden legacy and that one wrecked it.” Cue loud cheers.



As the debate heated up MPs started to get over-excited – waving their arms around and dancing on their bottoms like small children.

Transport Secretary Geoff Hoon had his fingers over his mouth and his knee jerked up and down like he was dandling a hyper-active child.

The PM, not willing to leave the argument, came back a minute later with the European card.

If I were him I would have concentrated on Osborne a bit more – that was far more embarrassing.

He could have saved Europe till later, but he was never one for good timing in these things.

"The shadow business secretary called the Conservative European policy crackpot, dodgy, absurd,” he said.

“I know they’re trying to find a way of fitting together now, but they don’t agree with each other’s view on Europe and on many other things.”

There is another PMQs before Clarke gets to speak in business questions, I just wonder if Brown’s lines of attack have any more mileage.

Real questions please

The Prime Minister seemed to get stuck in a rut on his first answer of PMQs today.

Like an old, scratched piece of vinyl that refuses to move on he repeated the words “real help” no less than eight times in a matter of seconds.

The mantra was in response to a question – about today’s business aid package – from former-whip Liz Blackman that was so shamelessly set up even the Erewash MP herself looked embarrassed.

I’d hoped Blackman’s first PMQ since rejoining the backbenches might be meatier, but she obviously still has her eye on future opportunities.

Cameron stood up and said: “Planted question, copied policy.”

He must have been peeved because he said it even before giving thanks for the soldiers that had died in Afghanistan.

The first PMQs in 2009 also offered up further evidence of an imminent return to the shadow cabinet for Ken Clarke.

In the to and fro Cameron had attacked the Government’s 2.5% VAT cut, which Brown then responded by saying that the Rushcliffe MP had supported it.

The Conservative leader pulled out a piece of paper and performed a carefully planned answer which amounted to a defence of Clarke.

Such forethought must mean the Tory team has been anticipating the lines of attack the former Chancellor’s comeback will invoke.

One to remember...

Brown's hero

I think even Alan Simpson (Nottingham South) was shocked that he came to the Prime Minister's rescue in such gallivanting fashion during today's PMQs.

Moments before, the PM had made a humiliating blooper that left his lower lip wobbling like bit of liver.

Brown had meant to say he had saved the banks, but instead – in a monumental Freudian slip – said: "We not only saved the world."

Before he could finish the next sentence the house had exploded and Brown turned to red – the cacophony ringing through the Palace of Westminster.

He was on the back-foot, but Cameron took his time landing the killer blow that could have finished the PM for the day.

Then Simpson was called by Michael Martin: "Actually Mr Speaker it's quite nice to have a Prime Minister who would save the world when we're faced with an opposition who can barely save face."

It was a pithy comeback that gave Labour MPs something to cheer and even seemed to boost Brown.

The significance of the whole affair was pushed aside when an even more monumental blooper was made by Nick Clegg (Hallam) minutes later.

The Lib Dem leader wanted to tell a story about a constituent, but foolishly started by saying that a single mum had come to see him with a young child.

Given his reputation - he once told a magazine he had slept with around 30 women - it's no wonder the house fell about laughing for a full minute.

The lame-duck Speaker didn't even try and control the rabble - Dennis Skinner (Bolsover) sat opposite ‘Clegg-over’ using his fingers to flash up number 31.

Can we try to steal some of Obama's sheen? Yes we can.

Broxtowe MP Nick Palmer must have stood up and sat down at least ten times during PMQs today.

He was trying to get in on the debate but it seemed to pass him by the poor fellow – he didn’t miss much anyway.

From beginning to end it was a competition of who could get the biggest piece of Obama pie.

The word “change” was slotted in all over the place by MPs on both sides of the House – Gordon even managed to work it twice into one sentence.

Dave opened with a neat little jibe asking whether, when speaking to Obama on the phone this morning, the PM had advised that it was “no time for a novice.”

The comment, a reference to Gordon’s conference attack on the Troy leader, bears an eerie resemblance to Clinton’s and McCain’s attack on the president-elect.

Brown hit back with an equally neat “I told him these were serious times for serious people,” – a further reference to his own speech.

MPs in every corner then started talking about what Obama’s policies were and asking whether the PM would follow suit – on tax, Iraq, the economy.

Even though it was inevitable, it was still particularly jarring when one MP stood up and said “yes we can!”

Gordon had the last word and ended by congratulating his new best friend and America for a second time.

Maybe the new President, unlike the last, will give him the time of day when he crosses the Atlantic.

Finger jabbing good

Everyone's arms must have been aching from all the finger pointing at PMQs today.

Yes, Osbornski had a tough time, we'll come to that.

But I felt most sorry for the poor chap in front of Tory Julia Kirkbride. He was stabbed in the back of the head by her vigourous air-fingering at least twice.

Both Gordon and Dave got in on the act with a bit of neat index-jabbing and Dennis Skinner, the old beast, topped them all with a big leftie swish of his pointed fist.

The session marked a comforting return to political hostilities between the leaders after an awkward period of unity during the banking crisis.

The blues and Dave, sitting on the very edge of his seat, were chomping at the bit to start thumping away at Gordon after a couple of weeks being nice.

In fact the Tory leader went at it so hard that any other week you would have him as the winner, despite a decent performance from the PM.

The old accusations were there - Gordon being unable to answer a question straight, Dave having no policies - but both seemed to be on form.

Unfortunately sitting next to Dave was George - who yesterday was accused of soliciting a £50,000 donation from a Russian billionaire while on-board his luxury yacht.

George denied it all of course and even put out a statement detailing pretty much every conversation he had over the week in question.

Can you pick a week from your summer holiday and remember every conversation you had every night of it? I digress.

While everyone knew the issue was going to come up, the way it eventually reared its ugly head surprised us.

If this had been Blair he would have made some joke about having to steer the country through choppy economic waters - as not everyone had the fortune to sit on a luxury yacht.

There would have been jeers and mortified embarrassment and the PM would have his scalp.

But Brown didn't quite seem to know how to handle it. When he alluded to the shadow chancellor's judgement, no-one was quite sure if he was making a joke or not.

Then Lib Dem leader Nick Clegg, while attacking the Government, said the Prime Minister was "all at sea".

People started to laugh and, realising his words would have been better shot at the Tory's, Clegg tried to redirect the joke - but only revealed his lack of forethought.

It was almost as if Osborne had got away with it until Dennis Skinner (complete with swishing fist of fury) stood up and started ranting about Russians.

He raved as a man on the street the likes of which Osborne’s school teachers told him not to talk to.

Everyone cheered and Osborne looked as if he might cry, his lips quivering into an attempted smirk.

Then, just as a bloodthirsty house was baying for a devilishly witty put-down and the final humiliation, Brown stood up and said: "This is a very serious matter indeed and I hope it is investigated by the authorities."

What? But we were just having some fun.

The real problem with it is that nothing illegal has actually happened. Even if George did ask for a donation, it could have been legally given through the Russian's British owned company.

People were simply complaining, justifiably so, about the distaste of the matter.

A Number 10 spokesman was hounded by hacks about the comment afterwards – when asked which allegations Mr Brown had meant he said those made "over the past 24 hours".

When asked which authorities he meant the spokesman said: “Whichever are appropriate.”

It is probably the PM’s mix up, not Mr Osborne’s holiday conversations that will appear in the papers tomorrow. A victory, but a botched one.