Former MP signs on...

Former Labour Broxtowe MP Nick Palmer has apparently signed on at his local Job Centre Plus.

Given that he’s a mathematician with a PhD, you’d think he might be able to pick up work somewhere without the state’s help.

He admits freely, of course, that he just wants to see how the system works – but why bother if you’re not an MP anymore?

My guess is that Palmer does not give the coalition Government much of a life and actually thinks he‘ll get a chance to fight his Broxtowe seat again sometime soon. He only lost it by 389 votes to Tory Anna Soubry.

The election battle between them was mired with accusations of underhand tactics – the spreading of political falsehoods and even some more sordid rumours.

It was made that little bit more intense by the fact that Palmer and Soubry actually live opposite one another on the same street – the stuff of sitcoms.

Needless to say, the two candidates are not necessarily best friends.

Last throw of the dice for Notts MP...

I was in Broxtowe today – number 42 on the Tory target list – where Nick Palmer MP is fighting for his political life

He has a majority of about 2,000 but knows that last time round he took the seat because he won backing from Lib Dem voters.

If he can’t keep those Lib Dem voters in 2010, he freely admits he will lose his seat.

It meant that when I followed him as he canvassed he was knocking on doors, not of Labour supporters, but of Lib Dem voters.

The MP told one Lib Dem woman that if Labour did not exist he would have been a Lib Dem himself.

Acutely aware that he might lose because people don’t like Labour, as opposed to not liking him, he has also had two sets of campaign posters printed.

There are red ones for Labour supporters to display, and green ones for other people who want to show they are voting for him without overtly displaying support for his party.

The bid to nick Lib Dem support in the face of “the surge” is made all the more interesting because the Lib Dems themselves are doing little to shore up their vote on his patch.

That’s because most of their funding is being sucked up by the bid to beat Gloria De Piero in nearby Ashfield.

If the Lib Dems win that seat – and they are considered Labour’s main rivals there – it would be a major coup.

In Broxtowe meanwhile increasing Lib Dem support would more than likely hand a win to the Tories.

Another Labour retirement?

Rumours are swirling around that another Labour MP in Nottingham will announce he is standing down at the election.

Nottingham East MP John Heppell – a Labour whip – is said to be strongly considering the move.

Heppell has been around in the Commons since 1992 when he won his seat from the Conservative incumbent.

If the rumours turn out to be true he will join a string of Labour MPs from Nottinghamshire that say they’ve had enough.

Nottingham South’s Alan Simpson, Sherwood’s Paddy Tipping and Ashfield’s Geoff Hoon are all calling it a day. Meanwhile Mansfield’s Alan Meale is also said to be considering retirement.

If Meale and Heppell do stand down then that’s five out of eight Labour MPs in the city and county who will be retiring.

Changing shape of midlands Labour

After seeing that three more Labour MPs announced they were standing down I thought I’d review the situation in my area.

When I say my area, I mean the areas of the newspapers that I write for – Leicestershire, Derbyshire, Nottinghamshire and north Staffordshire.

When I started my job two years ago there were 28 Labour MPs out of a total of 40.

Eight of those have announced they are standing down – Alan Simpson, Paddy Tipping, Bob Laxton, Mark Todd, Tom Levitt, Patricia Hewitt, David Taylor (who passed away recently) and Liz Blackman.

I strongly suspect a further two, Geoff Hoon and Alan Meale, may also stand down soon.

That makes ten, about a third of the original figure, which will be replaced.

Another group of six, which includes two ministers, are in seats that are wobbly to varying degrees.

With the weakest majority first, they are: Andy Reed (1,996), David Kidney (2121), Nick Palmer (2,296), Charlotte Atkins (2,438), Vernon Coaker (3,811) and Judy Mallaber (5,275).

If we say it is probable that those with a majority of less than 3,000 could lose their seat it would mean four more MPs being replaced.

From the original 28 Labour MPs half would be replaced, either by a new Labour candidate or an opposition MP.

Why and who - the Hoon Hewitt axis

Although he won’t confirm it, a lot of people reckon Geoff Hoon has decided to stand down at the next election.

I’ve had that as a strong tip from someone in Labour before today’s shenanigans. As we know Hewitt is already standing down.

That suggests neither have anything to gain politically from challenging Brown now – which is odd.

Until one realises that they also have nothing to lose – which would make them a good front for a wider plot.

Most MPs have said there is no such plot, but some who could be considered to be “waverers” on Brown’s leadership claim to have had conversations with others in which they say their support was elicited.

Certainly there are those who might even welcome a contest.

Nick Palmer MP told LD today: “If there was a clear and attractive alternative then I would make a decision at that time.

“There are certainly people capable of doing it – whether they want it is another question. If James Purnell says he wants to do it. Then I would look at him.”

The five hundred to one-ers

Forget about the Miliband brothers, or the tussle between Johnson and Harman – I want to see Esther Rantzen and Joanna Lumley slog it out for the Labour leadership.

The pair of fifty-somethings’ pin-up girls (I bet you like Lumley don’t you OldRightie) are among an elite group of outsiders who are at 500/1 to be the next leader.

They are joined by spin-Dr Alastair Campbell, tax dodger Kitty Ussher, Broxtowe MP Nick Palmer and Blair, that’s Cherie not Tony.

Just on a side note – imagine one Blair as Prime Minister and the other as President of Europe.

Dunky settles into new job...

There was an interesting debate on prisoner release this morning related to the Al Megrahi (left) and Ronnie Biggs cases.

Nick Palmer MP was trying to get to grips with the question of when prisoners should be released on compassionate grounds and when they shouldn’t.

He reckoned it should never be down to a politician to decide – which given the manoeuvring around the Lockerbie bomber’s case feels like a sensible suggestion.

The SNP were there and a justice minister. But it seems as though Alan Duncan, the newish shadow prisons minister, found something more interesting to do.

He moseyed on down to Milbank for a slot on The Daily Politics, leaving David Burrows to fill in.

Harman takes on Gord's leadership role, says Labour rebel.

Alan Simpson has got a big old rod out and is stirring up the doo-doo to the best of his ability.

The Nottingham South MP, who earlier this week said he would only pay £500 back if he were forced to by the courts, lauded Harriet Harman today for taking on the role that he said the PM had “walked away from”.

Simpson claimed Brown had “rolled over” on the expenses issue by simply ordering his MPs to hand whatever money back that Sir Thomas Legg demanded.

The rebel MP added that even loyal Labour members – like those who criticized Brown at the party’s meeting on Monday night – were beginning to realise that the PM would sacrifice anyone and anything to keep himself in Number 10.

Then up pops Harriet Harman during yesterday’s Business Questions to suggest that MP’s would be justified in not paying money back and that they were free to challenge Legg’s findings.

Simpson said: “What we saw yesterday was Harriet Harman taking on the leadership role that Gordon Brown simply seems to have walked away from.”

Rumours of a new plot to overthrow Mr Brown have begun to circulate in the Palace of Westminster.

At the end of this month Barry Sheerman MP, an arch-critic of the PM, will attempt to become the chair of the Parliamentary Labour Party – the organisation of backbench members.

Meanwhile another Notts MP Nick Palmer was among a group of ten members who launched Labour’s Future, set up to counter the idea that the party has become “intellectually exhausted”.

Palmer denied the move was meant as a criticism of the way the party was being led.

Heathrow loyalties

It turns out that of the three Notts MPs who signed the EDM calling on the Government to scrap the runway only one voted against it last night.

Not surprisingly it was Alan Simpson (Nottingham South), while John Heppell(Nottingham East) and Nick Palmer (Broxtowe) sided with the Government.

When the chips are down...

Heathrow vote

The Tories have rather cleverly worded their Heathrow motion, now being debated, along the lines of the EDM that 57 odd Labour MPs have already signed.

It urges the Government to rethink its third runway plan.

So anyone that signed the EDM should theoretically vote with the Tories.

Any of the 57 Labour MPs which doesn't will stand accused of being a mindless Government stooge.

Three Notts MPs signed the EDM – Nick Palmer, John Heppell and Alan Simpson. I'll be watching what they do.

The Tories would need 38 Labour MPs to rebel to win the vote. That probably won't happen because right-wing Tories too will rebel against their leader and vote for the runway.

Greenpeace muddle

Greenpeace have rather stupidly shot themselves in the foot over Heathrow.

The group have encouraged people to ‘e-mail barrage’ MPs who’ve shown an iota of support in the struggle against plans to build a third runway.

There’s a vote on Wednesday, so Greenpeace’s aim will be to solidify support and work MPs they think might sway either way.

But so many have sent e-mails that they’ve crashed MPs’ inboxes – remember these are the politicians who might have supported their cause in a vote.

Broxtowe’s Nick Palmer has received some 5,000 e-mails and reckons there was one coming every ten seconds at the peak.

He told Lobbydog: “It means my own constituents that I’m here to represent can’t contact me about Heathrow or any other subject.

“I did have sympathy for the cause but when I called to discuss the problem they refused to stop doing it. It’s making me less likely to support them.”

Today Broxtowe, tomorrow the WORLD!

It turns out that Notts MP Nick Palmer is actually an evil genius, deviously planning to take over the world.

In an article for Total Politics magazine he reveals his secret penchant for war-gaming – his desire to conquer all, he says, means he’s no good at dinner party small talk.

Look at similar characters, Sherlock Holmes’ nemesis Moriatti for example. They too are the introvert types, secretly waiting for their glorious destinies to embrace them.

Their other trait is an unblinking self-confidence, think Lex Luther, which Palmer also exposes in his piece.

He writes of one game, Diplomacy, that the objective is to jockey your way to victory using the “occasional subtle betrayal.”

“I was British Champion at this some years ago and won the World Championship in the US last year,” he writes.

“…it requires a mixture of intelligent tactical planning and silver tonguery, with a dash of unscrupulousness.”

All these years I thought Nick Palmer was the quiet man of Notts politics, but I was wrong.

The member for Broxtowe has just silver-tongued us into believing that, when really he’s the power behind Barack Obama.

No trouble Nick

Nick Palmer said he was surprised to be called by speaker Michael Martin to ask a question at PMQs on Wednesday.

The Broxtowe MP wasn't down on the list but stood up on the off chance of slipping one in – of which there is normally not much chance – but he managed to get called anyway.

He said: "I think he tends to let the people speak who don't cause any trouble."

Can we try to steal some of Obama's sheen? Yes we can.

Broxtowe MP Nick Palmer must have stood up and sat down at least ten times during PMQs today.

He was trying to get in on the debate but it seemed to pass him by the poor fellow – he didn’t miss much anyway.

From beginning to end it was a competition of who could get the biggest piece of Obama pie.

The word “change” was slotted in all over the place by MPs on both sides of the House – Gordon even managed to work it twice into one sentence.

Dave opened with a neat little jibe asking whether, when speaking to Obama on the phone this morning, the PM had advised that it was “no time for a novice.”

The comment, a reference to Gordon’s conference attack on the Troy leader, bears an eerie resemblance to Clinton’s and McCain’s attack on the president-elect.

Brown hit back with an equally neat “I told him these were serious times for serious people,” – a further reference to his own speech.

MPs in every corner then started talking about what Obama’s policies were and asking whether the PM would follow suit – on tax, Iraq, the economy.

Even though it was inevitable, it was still particularly jarring when one MP stood up and said “yes we can!”

Gordon had the last word and ended by congratulating his new best friend and America for a second time.

Maybe the new President, unlike the last, will give him the time of day when he crosses the Atlantic.