Press conference shenanigans...

Labour launched another aggressive attack on the Tories’ tax plans at a press conference this morning.

The thing is, I couldn’t quite tell how things were different from the last ‘aggressive attack press conference’ they had a week or so ago.

Actually, I take that back. There were two differences – this time Gordon was there instead of Liam Byrne and Darling’s hair was purple. Really, it was purple.

I believe it was because there was lots of purple lighting, and Darling’s hair simply reflected it – sort of in the same way that a piece of tofu takes on the taste of whatever you mix it with.

Anyhow, the gist of what they were saying was that the Tories’ sums didn’t add up concerning the proposed NI cut – yet we weren’t left any clearer on where Labour’s cuts are going to come either.

The party to come up with the most convincing sounding answer to questions on their figures will take the election I suppose.

Cameron meanwhile changed the tone and announced his National Citizens Service. It all goes with his move away from the Broken Britain agenda and back towards ‘blue sky thinking’.

He even gave the green light for kids to get more trollied than they already are on their 18th birthdays – very progressive of him.

“In our society the closest thing to a rite of passage is getting drunk on your eighteenth birthday.

“Of course we have all done that – but I think we can do a lot more.”

Vodka jelly is the way, I say.

Brown's Shortlist interview...

Not so sure today's interview in Shortlist magazine will make the waves last week's did.

It was recess when David Cameron's interview was printed so hacks were scrabbling about for something to write.

Lily Allen's inappropriate lyrics and Dave’s love of darts were spread all over the nationals the following day.

To be honest, even if we were still in recess, I'm not sure the follow up interview with the PM today would be reported further.

In one slightly interesting part, however, discussing Fabio Cappello's decision over John Terry the PM says he faces similar challenges.

"I think maybe Fabio Cappello would sympathise with me. Bill Shankly when he was manager of Liverpool said 'I don't drop people, I just make changes'. There is something in that. You've got to make decisions that are best for the team."

So there you go Alistair Darling – he wasn't dropping you, he just thought he was getting rid of you for the good of the country.

Infamy, infamy...

The moment Gordon Brown grabbed an aide by the lapels and screamed “they’re all out to get me” must’ve been dead scary for the poor chap getting the hairdryer treatment.

But I can’t help but be reminded of the classic Kenneth Williams line in Carry on Cleo –
“Infamy, infamy, they’ve all got it in for me!”

But of all the bumph in today’s Observer my favourite part without a doubt was how Brown used to prepare for PMQs.

Apparently his team ran through how things might go, with Ed Miliband normally playing David Cameron.

I imagine…

GB: Right let’s play this through. I’ll be me. Harriet, you be Alistair. Alistair, you be Ed. Ed, you be Harriet, and other Ed, you be Cameron.

EM: What? Why do I have to be Cameron again? I always end up as Cameron. I can’t get the voice right and it means I always have to lose. Can’t I be you for once?

GB: Eh? Of course you can’t be me. I’m me.

EM: But Harriet’s Harriet, and she’s still Alistair. In fact what about Harriet – I could be a good Harriet, I’ll even put on some mascara.

GB: No, your voice is too soft and besides, Ed’s already got his Harriet wig on. Look, you’re Cameron and that’s just the way it is.

Right here we go [clears throat] – they want to cut, we want to invest, they were wrong on the recession and they’re wrong on the recovery.

EM: [in Cameron mode] Well, I have a leaked document here which shows the Department of Energy and Climate Change is having to make a 10% cut in its budget – this proves this Government is….

GB: Stop! Ed, what are you doing?

EM: Debating, it’s PMQs.

GB: But what’s all this about a leaked document, There are no leaked documents.

EM: There could be.

GB: Oh really. Who leaked them then?

EM: Maybe I did. I mean, maybe Ed Miliband did.

GB: I see, and what documents were these exactly?

EM: You’ll have to ask Ed Miliband.

GB: [grabs Miliband by the lapels]

Mrs Lobbydog is calling me for dinner, but just before I sign out let me remind you of this other line from Carry on Cleo, which feels pertinent having read about Jack Straw in the Observer piece.

It is spoken by Caesar as his bodyguards try to assassinate him: “I don't want to die! I may not be a very good live emperor but I'd be a worse one dead!”

See you in the morning.

Labour MPs: Let's spend loads more

THERE were a lot of the usual suspects among the 40 Labour MPs who signed a letter today calling for the Government to bring in radical left-wing policies.

They reckon the measures are needed to reinvigorate the party membership in both “numbers and activity”.

Stronger union rights, splitting banks and a programme to redistribute wealth from the rich to the poor all feature in their ideas.

Interestingly, on a day when the Government announced big cuts to higher education, the MPs call for “massive public investment” to tackle the recession.

With Darling asking for ministers to come forward with more spending cuts I don’t think they’ll make much headway.

But the letter highlights the internal battle over cuts which is now heating up throughout the party from top to toe.

The whites of Chris Grayling's eyes

It was Chancellor Alistair Darling's pre-budget report statement in the Commons and I and several other hacks were eagerly paying attention to events.

I don't mean the actual statement, of course – Darling can bore a man so badly that all the blood runs out of his head.

In fact, I think that actually happened to one MP.

The poor soul was Shadow Home Secretary Chris Grayling; his melon head flopped back and his eyeballs rolled up so that all you could see was white – very freaky.

Read the Evening Post parliamentary correspondent's column here.

Clarke drives a wedge...

Big beast Ken Clarke was trying to cause friction between two neighbours on Downing Street when he was chatting to Lobbydog about the pre-budget report last night.

He said: “Alistair has to decide whether he goes into posterity as a responsible Chancellor of the Exchequer, or whether he plays silly politics at the behest of the Prime Minister.

“He won’t be Chancellor very long now anyway. Gordon wanted to get rid of him and bring in Ed Balls at the last reshuffle and in the unlikely event that Brown wins the next election he will sack him and do just that.

“He must decide if he wants to play silly games and politics with his last few months or whether he will talk responsibly about the problems the country faces and set out in detail how the Government plans to tackle them.”

Good old game playing. But the thought must have crossed Darling’s mind that even if Labour does win he’ll be for the chop.

I’ll be watching Ed Balls' face during the PBR today.

Independent thought

The Independent Network (IN) - the association that guides parliamentary candidates without party affiliations – has launched its own blog.

With the expenses scandal fresh in people’s minds as we come to the election, independents may feature in quite a big way.

There are already noises that independent candidates will stand against dozens of MPs including Alan Duncan, Keith Vaz, Geoff Hoon and even Alistair Darling.

Martin Bell, one of the IN’s chiefs, has said there are some 200 MPs who are “unfit for purpose”.

As it’s not a party IN has no policies – it’s up to the individual candidate to decide what to think.

But the organisation seeks to give candidates some legitimacy. To become registered with IN you need to undergo certain background checks and up hold certain principles which are laid out on their blog.

There is talk that at least one of the three main parties, the Lib Dems, will stand aside for independent candidates where they are challenging a big name.

PBR lunch

Contrary to what you might think from his prosaic Commons performances Alistair Darling isn’t bad company.

A few other regional hacks and I are having lunch with him later.

No, it's not funded by the taxpayer before anyone asks.

However, it will be a chance to ask where the taxpayer stands with a pre-budget report just a few weeks away.

Lame duck PM?

I’d better finish this quickly. Things are moving so fast that by the time I’m done it could all have changed again.

If the Prime Minister can’t win a power struggle with Alistair Darling, then the faeces has really hit Brown’s fan.

We all know the PM wanted his buddy Balls at the Treasury. But it shows his weakness that he had to give in and let Darling stay.

It’s that very weakness that has angered many back benchers. They want sweeping changes at the top and if it’s not the cabinet, it may well be Brown.

Tracking Labour

In a single carriage of the train I took yesterday was Gordon Brown, Alistair Darling, David Miliband, Hazel Blears, Jacqui Smith, Ed Balls, James Purnell and John Denham.

Now, now bloggers. I know what you're thinking. But remember - I was on the train too.

Caroline Flint and Margaret Beckett joined the pack later.

A Labour spokesman admitted that it was an unusual display of politcal strength outside of a general election campaign.

The party leaders know that to escape a voting booth battering they need all the strength they have.

It was notable that they rolled the big guns into Derbyshire too - one of three Midlands counties that the Tories think they can take.

Just ONE family helped by Mortgage Rescue Scheme

Only one household has been helped by the Government’s Mortgage Rescue Scheme.

Lobbydog reported last month on how officials were saying the criteria for the scheme – designed to rescue those most at risk from becoming homeless – was far too tight.

At that point most applications were getting turned down – but I’m still shocked to find out today that only one family has been helped.

If Darling is right and the recession is over by the end of the year, the downturn might finish before this scheme gets into double figures.

THE BUDGET: Rabbit, rabbit, rabbit...

There was a matter-of-fact conversation concerning small rodents humming on the benches behind me as the Chancellor droned through his statement.

“There must be a bunny,” said a voice. “He hasn’t had a single cheer from his own side, he needs to give'em something – give'em a bunny. Hold on, here comes the bunny… on no, not yet.”

Another voice replied: “I don’t know. He hasn’t really got anything left. I’m not sure he’s got one – there might not be a bunny.”

There was no bunny.

The voices were discussing the approaching final sentence of the Chancellor’s statement which traditionally reveals an eye-catching policy – a cut in income tax, help for the poor – something sexy to leave the troops cheering. Known as - "a rabbit out of the hat".

Straining to wade through his words it was hard to tell whether it was Darling’s presentation or the substance, a bit of both no doubt, but his measures didn’t cut the mustard.

They were more weasel than bunny – at very best they were stoat. As the speech closed there was boosted child tax credit, redundancy pay and more help for carers – but nothing that had the “bloody hell” factor.

Bill Cash (Stone), Nigel Evans (Ribble Valley, it’s a real place) and Patrick Cormack (South Staffs, below) fought heroic battles to stay awake, as their heads fell back or sagged.

This was supposed to be the rallying battle cry for Labour MPs that would set the tone from now until the election and beyond.

It could have been the speech that made voters think the Government, if nothing else, was battling with all its power in some direction.

It needed to be sharp, clear and with purpose, but it felt flat. Many plans were dependent on a quick economic bounce-back. The borrowing figures were scary.

I’ll be speaking to many Labour MPs in the next few hours, most of whom will say they thought it was a great budget.

Voters who managed to watch all the way through to the end will be able to make up their own minds.

Polls promise uneasy summer for Labour

The new Guardian/ICM poll gives the Tories a ten point lead over Labour as the party best placed to run the economy.

The figures show, however, that Labour's support has not dipped from 30% while the Tories have lost two points.

I guess it stands testament to the problems the Government has experienced when one can consider being ten points behind a plus of sorts.



It'll be interesting to see if Alistair Darling can do anything to change things on Wednesday.

Clarke looks at the budget

The Rushcliffe MP speaks to Sky from his Notts home on this week's budget.

Global recovery plan on unprecedented scale...

…but no fiscal stimulus of course.

What we have is a promise to make over a trillion dollars "available" to the world economy if nations can meet criteria of the G20 deal.

There'll be an extra $500bn in funding available to the IMF, plus an increase to $250bn of the money available to developing countries, and $250bn set aside for trade assistance.

A lot of what happens next will depend on whether countries play ball instead of being protectionist.

Alistair Darling was just asked in the House how he can be optimistic protectionism won't happen now, when trade talks failed even in the good times.

His answer was that one's only real option is to be optimistic.

Biggest shrink since 1944

"In a severe blow to Gordon Brown’s hopes for an economic revival to take hold by Christmas, the IMF will predict that the UK economy will shrink in 2010 by a further 0.2 per cent.

It now expects that to come on the heels of a brutal 3.8 per cent contraction this year that would be the sharpest since 1944 — and much worse than the 2.8 per cent that the fund forecast only in January.

The new, even harsher forecast comes ahead of official unemployment figures today that are set to show that numbers out of work soared above 2 million during January."

The Times

If the Government won’t even entertain the idea that we’re going to be worse off than other countries – as the IMF predicts – how can it hope to put in place measures that'll help us through?

James er, errr, um Purnell

Noticeable discomfort clinched James “future leader” Purnell at breakfast this morning robbing him of his usual ease.

A hack asked the Pensions Secretary about what he thought of the whole “Government apologising for the recession debate”. His answer ad verbatim:

No, I mean – I think everybody agrees that, you know, we’ve, er, erm, made clear that, er, we accept responsibility of Government aaaand, er, no-one would claim that, er, everything that was done was erm, er, er, was, er, y’know, with hindsight, er, erm, always absolutely right.

But I would also think Gordon is absolutely right, err, to say that he’s been, erm, arguing at international level for the kinds of errr, financial and regulatory changes which are now right at the top of the agenda for the world.

So I think, you know, it’s er, it’s er, er, er it’s a, um, something which, um, er, people look at.

The way that, erm, er, Gordon and Alistair have, er, responded and I think the, er, the economic, um, and financial policy that they have pursued, eeeer, is, er, absolutely the right one and is leading the world in terms of its response to something which is completely unique, a unique challenge.

So I think Gordon and Alistair’s, er, position is, er, is absolutely world leading in terms of dealing with this and people, you know, many people who are, erm, economists and businessmen have, er, have said that they do look to the UK’s response on this.

Gordon and Alistair will no doubt be reassured.

Darling can't just say "this is all b*ll*cks!"

“Alistair is afraid everything might be getting pinned on him and he is looking to separate himself from what’s happening.”

That’s what a Labour MP said to Lobbydog earlier, while chatting about Darling’s comments on politicians showing humility.

“If you are a Chancellor you can’t just say ‘this is all bollocks’,” he added.

“But you can stand back, try and separate yourself from what is being done and say ‘look this isn’t all me’.”

Interesting in the light of PMQs today – Darling seemed to enjoy watching Harman deal with accusations she was manoeuvring for the Labour leadership.

What if Darling got p*ssed?

Not a bad idea for next time he gives a statement to the Commons. It can't make his delivery any less riveting anyway?

Throwing in an "I larve yoo zhorzh," here and a "cermon y'poncy Tory basa," there would definitely combat those droopy eyelids.

I just got back from the Downing Street press conference where Japanese journalists kept asking the PM comical questions about their finance minister.

Shoichi Nakagawa stepped down after appearing in front hacks after one too many.

One asked what Brown would do if Darling did the same thing. Irritatingly he wouldn't be drawn.

Is George stepping up?

“Well, look, y-y-you can look at the detail of these things…”

Was the incoherent answer that Alistair Darling gave to the question of whether there should be a cap on bankers’ bonuses.

Both he and his yet-to-be nemesis George Osborne were interviewed on Marr this morning.

The preview shot of their interviews at the start of the show had an awkward feel to it – they had probably been hitting each other with rolled-up newspapers moments before.

But when the camera fell upon them for three or four seconds both looked to convey some sort of message in their face.

Darling must’ve got his expression wrong because he looked smug, while Osborne was so steely-faced I thought a throbbing vein in his forehead might pop.

This blog has given George a tough time over the appointment of Ken Clarke – which he’ll admit in his heart knocked his confidence – but today he did well.

He came across competent and confident and showed something he has sometimes lacked, maturity.

His plans for Bank of England reform were well put forward and he was comfortable talking about “correcting market failures” – which should be unbecoming of a Tory.

And on a day when news headlines focused on bankers’ bonuses he answered the crucial question properly. Should there be a cap?

“Yes. Is the short answer,” he said.

Moments later Darling gave his stuttering response to the same question and the difference was marked.

The Treasury has apparently told banks that executives associated with big losses “should” not get bonuses.

But the Government also told banks last year that they “should” start lending to small businesses and that hasn’t happened.