Wednesday, 22 April 2009

THE BUDGET: Rabbit, rabbit, rabbit...

There was a matter-of-fact conversation concerning small rodents humming on the benches behind me as the Chancellor droned through his statement.

“There must be a bunny,” said a voice. “He hasn’t had a single cheer from his own side, he needs to give'em something – give'em a bunny. Hold on, here comes the bunny… on no, not yet.”

Another voice replied: “I don’t know. He hasn’t really got anything left. I’m not sure he’s got one – there might not be a bunny.”

There was no bunny.

The voices were discussing the approaching final sentence of the Chancellor’s statement which traditionally reveals an eye-catching policy – a cut in income tax, help for the poor – something sexy to leave the troops cheering. Known as - "a rabbit out of the hat".

Straining to wade through his words it was hard to tell whether it was Darling’s presentation or the substance, a bit of both no doubt, but his measures didn’t cut the mustard.

They were more weasel than bunny – at very best they were stoat. As the speech closed there was boosted child tax credit, redundancy pay and more help for carers – but nothing that had the “bloody hell” factor.

Bill Cash (Stone), Nigel Evans (Ribble Valley, it’s a real place) and Patrick Cormack (South Staffs, below) fought heroic battles to stay awake, as their heads fell back or sagged.

This was supposed to be the rallying battle cry for Labour MPs that would set the tone from now until the election and beyond.

It could have been the speech that made voters think the Government, if nothing else, was battling with all its power in some direction.

It needed to be sharp, clear and with purpose, but it felt flat. Many plans were dependent on a quick economic bounce-back. The borrowing figures were scary.

I’ll be speaking to many Labour MPs in the next few hours, most of whom will say they thought it was a great budget.

Voters who managed to watch all the way through to the end will be able to make up their own minds.

11 comments:

Plato said...

Mr Lobby Dog - I was zzzzzzzing most of the way through until it got to the last 10 mins.

What a load of crap it was. Class war raising a whole £1.2bn.

Whoopee.

Anonymous said...

The dying, wheezing gasps of a dead animal.

BigBossMan said...

Was there anything good in there? There might've been I just couldn't tell. Listening to it was like trying to walk through a wall.

Local chap said...

At least we've got a 50% higher tax rate out of it. The right wing bloggers and MSM are all on Pavlov's dogs stylee 'oh but all the rich will emigrate' duty.

Good, is what I say. Go and enjoy drinks with Jim Davidson in Dubai.

Except of course none of them will, they'll just PRETEND to move abroad, claim non dom status then carry on as before because HMRC can't be bothered to chase the non dom scam up (having been successfully schmoozed by the main protagonists. Much easier to hunt down Kerry Katona or Tax Credit claimants who've been overpaid.). You can see where MPs got their second home scam from.

Your boss Viscount Rothermere's a non dom isn't he LD? ;-D

Lobbydog said...

No comment.

Oldrightie said...

Local chap said...

All my Labour mates will be overjoyed. Straight down to the pub for a £5 pint, use up a £1.00's worth of petrol and stand outside to have an expensive fag in me gob. Can't afford to actually smoke it. Yup, the £100k a year bastards getting hit with a 50% tax. Fantastic, good old fashioned Labour budget. Screw the few people working to pay for MPs expenses. brilliant.

Cato said...

@Local chap.

I'll tell you what, you stay in this shithole that your buddies have made out of this once great country. I'll bugger off and laugh at you as you drown in a puddle of Labour induced vomit.
You are a complete twat!

Jive5 said...

@Cato - your rightie vitriol is so tedious. The fact is that a lot of people will be helped by the budget. The whole country and world is sailing through a shitstorm at the moment and Darling did the best he could with what he had. When the country starts to recover you'll still be choking on your own bile.

Local chap said...

@Cato

ooooooooOOOOOOooooooo!!!

@oldrightie

Very irresponsible that drinking and driving. And don't stand too near the pub, that smoke can blow in now its sunny and the windows are open.

Cheers

LC/Andy
(not voted Labour since 2001)

Prodicus said...

I went out to lunch instead. Did I miss anything apart from a vast IOU, a miracle cure and it all being someone else's fault? No? Thought not. Onwards and upwards, then.

Cato said...

ive5 said...

@Cato - your rightie vitriol is so tedious. The fact is that a lot of people will be helped by the budget. The whole country and world is sailing through a shitstorm at the moment and Darling did the best he could with what he had. When the country starts to recover you'll still be choking on your own bile.
22 April 2009 18:55

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahha!!

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