Straw flops

When Jack Straw stood up at PMQs he resembled a baddy from a cheap Hollywood movie, who does nothing but stare at his opponent with an evil smile on his face.

It felt like he leered, smirking at Clegg and saying nothing for a full five seconds – until the House burst into laughter.

It may even have been a good psyche-out tactic had what followed been an incisive attack. But Straw’s performance, in what was an extremely odd PMQs anyway, was pitiful.

That was lucky for Clegg, who did not shine. But because Straw was so odd, Clegg got away with not being on any sort of form.

Straw was obviously trying to draw attention to Clegg’s handling of the Sheffield Forgemaster’s issue, with an eye on smearing his integrity.

The problem is that no-one outside Sheffield will take notice and PMQs is meant to be a place where you strike a chord with national sentiment.

On top of that Straw waffled awfully in his questions, even more than Clegg in his answers.

Labour MPs were shouting “answer the question” at Clegg – but I’m sure neither they nor he really knew what the question had been.

Straw should have gone for issues that drove a wedge between the coalition partners.

Finally there was this bizarre moment when Bercow called Claire Perry MP to speak, when Straw still wanted to have another question.

Straw simply refused to sit down and clung to the despatch box, doing his staring thing at Bercow as well – with the Commons audibly in chaos this was another black mark against Bercow’s Speakership.

Local knowledge is the way to win an election...

There was a comedy moment on BBC Radio Leicester last night when Jack Straw was being interviewed.

The Justice Secretary was praising Labour’s candidates in the county’s two most marginal seats including North West Leicestershire.

To get the ball rolling Straw got the name of the constituency wrong – obviously didn’t have enough time to read the briefing in the car on the way up.

“Our candidate in Leicester North West was the leader of Leicester City Council. He’s very well known it’s quite remarkable.

“When I was up in Coalville earlier today people would say ‘Russ is over there, Russ is over there’. People just know him.”

Obviously not well enough to know his name – which is Ross. Doh.

Skip to 14mins to hear the gaffe here.

Straw operates...

Lobbydog quizzed Labour stalwart Jack Straw last night on how close he was to Geoff Hoon’s plotting against Gordon Brown.

I wanted to know how he looked and sounded when the allegations made in Andrew Rawnsley’s book – that in 2008 he and Hoon had sought to topple Brown, but later changed their minds – were put to him in front of a room of people.

As you may remember the book, The End of the Party said Straw had met with Stephen Byers and Charles Clarke to discuss the issue.

Straw had allegedly indicated to Byers that he and the chief whip, Geoff Hoon, would "take action before the party conference" in the autumn of 2008.

The plan apparently fell apart when Hoon was bought off with the offer of an EU Commissioner’s job that never came through.

When I first asked Straw about the allegations he replied that Hoon had in no way contacted him about the most recent botched coup with Patricia Hewitt.

I pointed out that this was not what I had asked about and that in the book…

“I like my bedtime reading to be something that is not absolutely to do with work,” he joked.

Eventually getting to the crux he said: “In the period between the Crewe by-election and the Glasgow East by-election there were a lot of conversations amongst people.

“Those were to do with the fact that one was caught in a very difficult situation not to do with plotting a coup. I was never involved in one, and I haven’t been.”

Make of that what you will.

Straw faced a whole bunch of tough questions during the briefing but managed to answer them all without losing his demeanour, without losing his sense of humour and without putting any hacks' backs up.

It’s no wonder he’s been around for such a long time – he’s one of the few Labour politicians to have survived a stint at the Home Office.

Wonder where he’ll be May 7th?

Infamy, infamy...

The moment Gordon Brown grabbed an aide by the lapels and screamed “they’re all out to get me” must’ve been dead scary for the poor chap getting the hairdryer treatment.

But I can’t help but be reminded of the classic Kenneth Williams line in Carry on Cleo –
“Infamy, infamy, they’ve all got it in for me!”

But of all the bumph in today’s Observer my favourite part without a doubt was how Brown used to prepare for PMQs.

Apparently his team ran through how things might go, with Ed Miliband normally playing David Cameron.

I imagine…

GB: Right let’s play this through. I’ll be me. Harriet, you be Alistair. Alistair, you be Ed. Ed, you be Harriet, and other Ed, you be Cameron.

EM: What? Why do I have to be Cameron again? I always end up as Cameron. I can’t get the voice right and it means I always have to lose. Can’t I be you for once?

GB: Eh? Of course you can’t be me. I’m me.

EM: But Harriet’s Harriet, and she’s still Alistair. In fact what about Harriet – I could be a good Harriet, I’ll even put on some mascara.

GB: No, your voice is too soft and besides, Ed’s already got his Harriet wig on. Look, you’re Cameron and that’s just the way it is.

Right here we go [clears throat] – they want to cut, we want to invest, they were wrong on the recession and they’re wrong on the recovery.

EM: [in Cameron mode] Well, I have a leaked document here which shows the Department of Energy and Climate Change is having to make a 10% cut in its budget – this proves this Government is….

GB: Stop! Ed, what are you doing?

EM: Debating, it’s PMQs.

GB: But what’s all this about a leaked document, There are no leaked documents.

EM: There could be.

GB: Oh really. Who leaked them then?

EM: Maybe I did. I mean, maybe Ed Miliband did.

GB: I see, and what documents were these exactly?

EM: You’ll have to ask Ed Miliband.

GB: [grabs Miliband by the lapels]

Mrs Lobbydog is calling me for dinner, but just before I sign out let me remind you of this other line from Carry on Cleo, which feels pertinent having read about Jack Straw in the Observer piece.

It is spoken by Caesar as his bodyguards try to assassinate him: “I don't want to die! I may not be a very good live emperor but I'd be a worse one dead!”

See you in the morning.

David Taylor, a man of the House of Commons

I knew David Taylor, who died after a heart attack on Boxing Day - he was among the good ones.

MPs paid tribute to him in the Commons earlier - the first sitting of the House since his death.

"We often joined David for dinner in the dining room where not least I was a recipient of his robust advice on what we’d got right, which was usually a brief part of the conversation, and what we needed to do better, which was quite a lengthy part of the conversation."

Justice Secretary Jack Straw

A room full of angry people, one of them covered in spit

Batten down the hatches, the militant homosexuals are coming! They’re going to round people up, teach their kids about being gay and force you at gun point to watch men kiss.

At least that’s what I’ve learnt militant homosexuals do, I’d never heard of them until Nick Griffin blurted out the term on Question Time.

But having seen the light, I’m now hoarding Will and Grace DvDs in the hope of tricking any militant homosexuals who come to get me into thinking I’m on their side.

Putting that weird glimpse into Griffin’s mind, and his sweaty, hand-wringing nervousness aside, the BNP leader held his own just about as well as he could have done.

That is, he did as well as he could have done defending indefensible racism in a room filled with people that wanted to parade his severed head on a pole around television centre.

Tonight’s show was always going to be a fight between two things – on one side a chance to spit at Nick Griffin, and on the other an opportunity to expose him as a racist while making incisive points about how it is the BNP have had electoral success.

As I suspected by the end of the show Griffin was drenched in spittle.

There were, however, just about enough moments to make it worth it – Griffin struggling with his holocaust denial and inappropriately joking about the Ku Klux Klan or Dimbleby pointing out the fake, palatable language used by the BNP.

The thing is Griffin’s attack on immigration policy, on the Iraq War and on UK Muslims – couched in this palatable language – will ring true with some people in the UK.

When these points were raised the mainstream politicians needed to break from the spitfest and engage. Jack Straw failed miserably, his hands tied by the fact that he can’t concede Labour immigration policy has been a mess.

Chris Huhne and Baroness Warsi called Straw out and then made tentative attempts to “square up” to the issue of immigration, something which is easier to do from opposition.

Baroness Warsi did at least highlight the issues of deprivation and poverty, and Huhne the disconnection from the political class, as factors in the BNP’s rise.

These issues could have used a bit more time. But with so much spit to get out – it was positively bubbling from some audience members – it was never going to happen.

Griffin must be allowed on

I’ve written lots of stories on the rise of the BNP and listened to endless Labour bods tell me how a “robust and united approach” is needed to counter their gains in the party’s heartlands.

So it has irked me no end to see the cabinet sending out totally conflicting messages on whether Nick Griffin should be allowed on BBC’s Questions Time.

On one hand you have Hain threatening legal action if the BNP’s leader is allowed to appear and on the other you have Straw pledging to go on and debate it out.

The fight against the BNP is crying out for some leadership, but at the Lobby briefing this morning the PM’s spokesman suggested Brown was firmly on the fence – “understanding” Hain’s views but supporting Straw’s presence on the show.

For my part there is no question about whether the BNP, fascists that they are, should be allowed on or not – of course they should, they are democratically elected.

When any of us votes, we are not just voting for a single party, but for the democratic system as a whole. That system includes freedom of expression and it applies to everyone.

As Mills explains in On Liberty, by letting people speak out the duff ideas can be countered, and the good ideas can be proven in debate – giving us an opportunity to believe in good ideas for more than just dogmatic zeal.

In other words, it isn’t just right that all the weird, distasteful ideas are aired, it’s essential for the system.

The row has given the show more publicity than it’s actually worth. Let’s hope Straw can expose Griffin for the charlatan he is.

Miliband still lights a candle

I'm not sure if the Foreign Secretary was trying to appear thoughtful and statesman-like at a briefing earlier, but in the end he just looked bored.

A little glimmer - a flicker of intention perhaps - escaped when he spoke about potential leadership challenges though.

He said the PM was the right man for the job "last year, this year and next year".

But when specifically asked if he'd rule himself out of a future leadership contest in the same way Jack Straw did he said:

"I never get into speculation about next jobs because if you start to speculate about next jobs you forget about this job.”

Who's next in the Home Office?

So another Home Secretary chokes on the poisoned chalice.

I couldn’t go into the Chamber for her speech yesterday as I was busy writing a story, but hacks have said Jacqui Smith looked defeated and as if she just didn’t want the job anymore.

The scandals now eating her political career like a flesh eating virus – the Damian Green affair, her sister’s house, her husband’s porn, G20 protests, student visas – mean it can’t be long to the end.

It’s more a question of timing for Brown. He has to wait for the Damian Green affair to pass in order to avoid any perception that the Tories have taken her scalp.

But the longer he waits the more her departure may affect the summer elections. People, including his own MPs, may also question his judgement on the matter.

Smith follows a long line of ministers who’ve been crushed by the Home Office, think David Blunkett and Charles Clarke.

Those that managed to do the job and come out the other side include Jack Straw and Ken Clarke – two insatiable survivors.

But the daunting history will not put off others who fancy themselves a promotion to one of the biggest jobs in Government.

Hazel Blears springs to mind. The Communities Secretary is feisty enough to take on Chris Grayling.

Brown might also think her “I’m an honest girl from a working family” manner might be what the position needs.

I need cash to get home!

Dear Mr Straw,

My name is Lobbydog and I am a British journalist stranded in Europe.

I was walking around Austria when my wallet was stolen and so I have not been able to access my bank.

Please can you rescue me by sending £2billion as quickly as possible - cash rather than shares in any banks would be preferred.

See you in the morning lobbydoggies...

What's to hide?

An insight into the kind of thing Jack Straw maybe doesn't want us to know about is given in Peter Stothard's book '30 Days,' which Angry Ferret is reading.
On the day the Iraq ground attack begins, Straw goes on the Today programme.
According to Stothard, Straw, then Foreign Secretary, came back after it bright and breezy, saying, "It was amazing. They allowed me to speak."
"And I got in three sycophantic references to the Prime Minister, one to Gordon Brown and none to the International Development Secretary."
Surely similar kinds of conversations weren't recorded in Cabinet meetings?
If so, I can't believe steely-eyed Jack would care, he's weathered many a political storm.
But what Gordon said, and did, maybe a different matter.
AF

Known unknowns!

Nottingham MP Alan Simpson was spot on with his withering comments during the Freedom of Information debate.
People understand there are some things they shouldn't know, but that wasn't the message being sent out by Jack Straw's decision.
"The public will believe that in refusing to clarify whether the Cabinet were among the deceivers or the deceived, nothing is being protected other than their own interests," said Simmo.
The subject reminded me of the infamous quote which netted the US Defence Secretary, and my favourite politician of the second Iraq War, Donald Rumsfeld a 'foot in mouth' award from the British Plain English Campaign...
"As we know, there are known knowns; there are things we know we know. We also know there are known unknowns; that is to say we know there are some things we do not know. But there are also unknown unknowns - the ones we don't know we don't know," said Rummy.
Are these minutes destined to remain known unknowns or unknown unknowns?

Angry Ferret

House of Straw

"There is a balance to be struck between openness and maintaining aspects of our structure of democratic government."
Absolutely right Jack - and the reason those Iraq minutes should be released.
Who was it who said that while Freedom of Information was "inconvenient and at times embarrassing," it was right because, "government belongs to the people, not to the politicians."
Step forward, Gordon Brown.
Obviously a very differnt style of government from the Cabinet government which Jack Straw believes would be serious damaged by the publication of these minutes.

Thought it was too good to be true!
Angry Ferret.