Bedtime stories

Alistair Darling has a reputation with sketch writers for being able to bore people's eyeballs out of their sockets.

I thought it was over-egged until I sat through his statement on the bank bail-out earlier.

His powers to make one drift from his words were almost genius in their subtlety.

Alarm bells first started ringing when I realised it suddenly felt like someone had turned the heaters up a notch.

The chamber had that warm, cosy feel of a room that has been slept in all night - I noticed hacks bending and resting their heads on the counter.

But first to go were weak opposition MPs helpless in the face of such a brutal onslaught of tedium.

Lib Dem shadow leader of the House Simon Hughes led the way, stretching his legs out from the front bench and lowering his chin.

His head began bobbing, mesmerised, as he tried and failed to wake from the Chancellor's spell.

Tory Peter Lilley was the next to succumb some moments later.

Unfortunately for him the exact moment he awoke - and clearly had no idea where the hell he was - was actually caught on TV.

I had to leave when Darling stood up for his follow up comments, afraid that I wouldn't be able to hold out.